THREE
QUESTIONS TO ASK WHEN WE’RE SERIOUS ABOUT HELPING A LOVED ONE
When we pray
for close friends or family, we sometimes miss the mark. Here are three things
to consider if we really want to help
someone. The first step is to ask, “What is the biggest challenge they are
facing?” The second is, “What do they need?” The third question is, “What
is the Lord telling me to do about it?”
Too often we
look at other people’s problems from our point of view and say things like, “I
wish they would just do such and such, and
they would be fine and get over that problem.” We think we have the perfect
solutions for those we love. But what if we look at the problem from their
point of view?
Step into their
shoes for a while. What is the biggest challenge they face? Are they afraid of
something or someone? Are they mature enough to understand the situation? Do they feel overloaded? Is it that they don’t have anyone they trust for
answers?
There could be
any number of reasons a person isn’t getting blessed results in their lives. Jesus
tells us: “Treat others the same way you want them to treat you” (Luke 6:31). When
we want someone to help us with a problem, we want them first to try to understand our side, what we’re going through.
We want people
to lovingly help us, not just blast us with some rote simplistic answer and be
gone. (I admit I’ve done this a time or two and been sorry after). So let’s
think about how we would want someone to talk
to us, how would we want someone to treat
us if we had a challenge like theirs.
The Bible
tells us we are members of the same body
of Christ, so it behooves us to help each other. Self-mutilation is just one
form of the body fighting against itself.
Autoimmune diseases are another example, and suicide is the ultimate. God tells
us that it is the devil who makes people oppose themselves. We, as ministers to
each other in the body of Christ, are given these instructions by the Apostle
Paul:
“And
the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to
teach, patient, in
meekness instructing those that oppose themselves;
“If God peradventure will give them repentance to the
acknowledging of the truth;
“And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil,
who are taken captive by him at his will” (2 Tim. 2:24-26).
Whether we like
it, or not, God has put all believers together, and that’s why we are able to help each other:
“So
we, being many, are one body
in Christ, and every one members one of another” (Rom. 12:5).
“Wherefore
putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another” (Eph. 4:25).
Often it’s
just a matter of asking the person what they think their biggest challenge is. Sometimes people aren’t very transparent; they’d
rather keep their problems private. Depending on how well we know the
person, some things we could probably figure out, but if we don’t know, the
Lord can help us.
“For thou,
even thou only, knowest the hearts of all the children of men” (1 Kings 8:39).
The second
question is: “What do they need?” What do they think they need? Once we have a
pretty good idea of what their biggest challenge is, find out what they need.
Then the third
question is one we ask the Lord: “What are You telling me to do?” Maybe He’ll tell
us to pray. Perhaps He’ll ask us to do something in the physical. I think
He often tells us to do something in the physical realm, and we don’t act fast enough and it slips by
us, or we think we only imagined it. If we think
He’s telling us to do something we’re uncomfortable with, we can always ask Him
about it. He’ll be glad to find a way to let us know it was really Him.
These three
questions will help us
when we’re serious about helping someone else:
1. What
is the biggest challenge they’re facing?
2. What
do they need?
3. What
is the Lord telling me to do about it?
Love, Carolyn
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